Love & Acceptance: The Balance Between Loving Yourself and Others

Balancing love for others while nurturing ourselves is essential to emotional well-being, but when complicated by difficult family relationships, abandonment wounds, or trauma bonds, it can feel like a delicate and sometimes painful balancing act.

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

This quote is a reminder that loving ourselves is not just important—it’s necessary. But for many of us, particularly those dealing with abandonment wounds or trauma bonds, practising self-love can be incredibly challenging.

Common Challenges:

• Difficult Family Dynamics: Family relationships can be complicated. When these relationships are strained, it’s easy to fall into patterns of over-giving or seeking validation, hoping to heal old wounds through others. This can lead to emotional exhaustion or even re-traumatization.

• Abandonment Wounds of the Inner Child: Abandonment wounds, especially those formed in childhood, often leave us feeling unworthy of love. This can manifest as people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or an overwhelming need to seek approval from others, sometimes at the cost of our well-being.

• Trauma Bonds: When we have experienced trauma, particularly in relationships, we may unconsciously seek out similar dynamics in the hope of finding healing. However, these trauma bonds can perpetuate cycles of pain, making it hard to balance love for others with love for oneself.

Practical Examples of Balance:

1. Healing the Inner Child: Begin by acknowledging the pain and abandonment wounds of your inner child. Practices like inner child meditation or journaling can help reconnect with those vulnerable parts of yourself. Remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on others’ validation and that you are deserving of love, starting from within.

2. Recognize and Break Trauma Bonds: Trauma bonds can feel like real love, but they are often based on fear or unmet needs. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking them. Seeking professional support, such as trauma-informed therapy, can help unravel these bonds and empower you to cultivate healthier relationships.

3. Healthy Boundaries in Family Dynamics: When dealing with difficult family members, it’s important to set clear and compassionate boundaries. This may involve limiting contact or stating your needs assertively but with love. Boundaries protect your emotional energy and allow you to engage with family members without losing yourself.

4. Self-care through Self-compassion: Those with abandonment wounds often struggle with harsh self-criticism. Develop a practice of self-compassion—treating yourself with kindness when you experience failure or rejection. Remind yourself that your worth isn’t diminished by the challenges you face, especially in difficult relationships.

5. Rebuilding Trust in Yourself: Trauma and abandonment can lead to a deep sense of mistrust, not only of others but of yourself. Rebuild trust by making small promises to yourself and keeping them—whether it’s showing up for your daily self-care, or simply saying no when something feels wrong for you.

Practical Self-care and Self-preservation Tips:

1. Daily Emotional Check-ins: Create a routine of checking in with yourself emotionally. Ask, “What do I need today?” This practice helps you stay in touch with your emotional needs, especially when difficult family dynamics or trauma bonds are draining your energy. Start with a 5-minute pause in the morning to set an intention for your emotional well-being.

2. Journaling for Healing: Journaling is a powerful tool to release and process emotions linked to abandonment wounds and trauma. Write about your feelings, triggers, and reflections on family relationships. This not only creates emotional clarity but also validates your experience. If abandonment or trauma themes emerge, affirm that your worth is not tied to these past events.

3. Create an Emotional Support System: Identify a few trusted people—friends, a therapist, or support groups—who can offer validation and a safe space for you to express feelings without judgment. It’s crucial to have a circle that reminds you of your worth, particularly when old wounds resurface. Online communities for survivors of trauma or people with similar challenges can also be valuable.

4. Inner Child Soothing Techniques: Find ways to soothe and care for your inner child. This could include visualization exercises where you imagine yourself comforting your younger self, or engaging in playful, nurturing activities that bring joy (such as painting, taking nature walks, or listening to music). Reassure your inner child that they are safe and loved.

5. Establish Boundaries without Guilt: Setting firm boundaries can feel like a betrayal of love, but boundaries are an act of self-preservation. Practice stating your needs calmly and clearly, even with difficult family members. Start small, such as declining an invitation or stepping away from a heated conversation. Remember: healthy boundaries protect both your mental health and your relationships.

6. Grounding Exercises: Trauma bonds can leave you feeling disconnected from your body. Grounding exercises such as mindful breathing, stretching, or spending time in nature help to bring you back to the present moment, reinforcing that you are safe and in control of your own space.

7. Affirmations and Self-compassion: Practice daily affirmations that counteract the negative self-beliefs tied to abandonment and trauma. Stand in front of a mirror and repeat:

“I am enough. I am worthy of love, respect, and care. My past does not define my value. I honour my boundaries, and I nurture myself with compassion.”

This affirmation reinforces self-worth and helps shift inner dialogue toward self-acceptance and healing.

8. Engage in Activities That Replenish You: Make time for activities that restore your emotional energy. Whether it’s yoga, meditation, reading, or spending time in nature, engage in something that allows you to disconnect from draining dynamics and reconnect with yourself.

9. Self-compassion Breaks: Throughout the day, particularly during stressful moments, practice a self-compassion break. Pause and say to yourself: “This is a moment of struggle. The struggle is a part of life. I will be kind to myself in this moment.” This simple acknowledgement of your feelings can prevent burnout and foster emotional resilience.

Affirmation:

“I am deserving of love and care, and I choose to honour my own needs while loving others. In every moment, I remind myself that balance is the key to true connection—both with myself and those I love.”